Archive for March, 2010

Alpine Lodge

March 24, 2010

This past weekend my family and I took a nice little weekend getaway to Red River New Mexico. Fly fishing, hiking, sitting and relaxing, you know the whole thing. So we were deciding between several properties, and having our kids with us we decided we wanted a large cabin. So one lodge got our attention.

We called and made reservations for a 3 bedroom cabin. She told us that everynight they have a fire so kids can roast marshmellows, and it was on the river. This sounded perfect, for two nights it would be $420, so we paid it and life was good.

When we checked in she said we were in room 22. “I’m sorry, did you say ROOM 22?” ‘yes’ she confirmed. I explained to her we were to get the cabin, she said we have no free standing cabins available, besides we booked this room. NO FUCK YOU, we did not. Here was the dialog between her and I.

I will put my comments in red just like Jesus in the bible. It also represents my blood pressure level.

“We specified we wanted a cabin.” -Daryl

“Here, cabin also refers to our rooms.” – Lady

“No those would be rooms, we made our decision to stay with you based on what you told us ” 3 Bedroom Cabin”. Not motel room.”- Daryl

“I think you will like the rooms. We are sure you will be pleased.” – hooker

I NOW GO LOOK AT ROOMS TO UNLOAD. THE ROOMS WERENOT UPDATED AND DID NOT GARNER $200 A NIGHT, ESPECIALLY SINCE THEY WERE NOT A CABIN. I RETURN TO THE OFFICE AFTERWARDS, AND OUR CONVERSATION CONTINUES..

“Can you tell me who spoke with me when I made the reservation?” – Daryl

“Yes, it was me.” – bitch

“Ok, YOU told me it was a cabin. this is not a cabin.” – Daryl

“Well sir, you have never been to Red River. We often say cabin and refer to rooms.” – Whore

“Well I am from Texas and have stayed in Cabins, in the Artic, All over Canada from Brittish Columbia to the Northwest Territories, Alaska, Central America, and 34 or 35 other states. No one has ever put me in a motel room and called it a cabin. As a business owner and a professional entertainer, I have stayed in a lot of god damn motels, and not once did they call it a cabin. So what can be done about it?” – Daryl

“Well I am sorry that you misunderstood me.” – Hussy

“Is that you final answer, really?” – Daryl

“Yes.” – flea infested flirt

“Fine.” – Daryl

I left there with the intentinon of not letting the underhanded whore ruin my weekend. Next morning, we were visiting with the family in the “CABIN” next door, who went through the exact same thing we did, and they were really dissapointed too. Now I am begining to start a revolution. I enjoy the rest of the day with out worrying about the bitch.

As night fell, our 4 children were hellbent on roasting marshmellows in their ABOVE GROUND, SCREEN COVERED fire pit. When we walked down the fire wasn’t going. My buddy John went in to the office to see when they would start the fire, or did we. It was best that John went in and not me. Here is her quote: “The wind was too high today for a fire.”

WHAT?

It was dead still at night, the pit is above ground on 4 legs, with a goddamn screen covering it. I wanted to walk back in and tell the infectious vaginal discharge, to say it to these 5 year old boys who waited all week long to do this.

In conclusion the fine folks at Alpine Lodge in Red River, chose to do nothing about their shortcomings. It is ok to make mistakes, just make up for it. Do something, but what ever you do don’t act like a bitch to a professional comic, otherwise you will be “on stage”.

I ended up wiping my ass with her towels…..a lot. We are almost even.

By the way Red River was great. Every other business and person we interacted with were awesome. Alpine Lodge? Well they suck big donkey cock. I will never go back, and make sure anyone I talk to does not go back as well.

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Mister Patel

March 12, 2010

Another accomodations incident worth repeating. On the road I decide to stay at an Econolodge. Safe. Inexpensive. Free Internet. Sounds good.

Now I enter the office and and there it is. You can smell it. Currie. It is Indian owned. No problem, I admire my Hindu brethren and their nack for service. Unlike other fat american men from the south, I do not wave the flag at them. I embrace them.

But Mr. Patel came out of the back with the red dot. Cool I thought. then I noitced a great deal of war paint type of shit on his face. It scared the bejesus out of me. Well after collecting myself, we completed the trasaction. He gave me the key to room 109. I gathered my things and made my way back to the room.

As I opened the door I set my things on one of the beds. I thought it was funny that the TV was left on. Then I looked on the floor and saw a pair of boots, there was some books on the table. HOLY SHIT! Poon Jab gave me the key to someone elses room! Then I hear it, a man, shitting with the bathroom door open. I freeze thinking the man is tyranasaurus rex, like he only sees movement, yep that was my idea. Sit still for Shitasaurus Rex. I decide I have to get out quick, so he does not see who I am. Easier said for a 350 lb man with a computer bag, back pack, and Subway sandwich.

I turn and walk out tripping over the boots. I exclaim ‘Oh, shit!” and ran. I go back to Mujibar, and say “Dude, you gave me a key to someone elses room. What the hell?” In my best indian voice he answered “there is nobody in there!” I answered well “nobody” is firing a rocket off in your room.” I think I heard Captain Currie say “god damnit”. Can he request that?

He then gave me a room, minus, the 50 year old man shitting. Wierd.

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March 2, 2010

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