The Not-So Perfect Storm

Look….I know, I find myself in some awkward predicaments. I swear it’s not from poor decisions, more from exposing myself to multiple opportunities. This story really ranks up there.

I’ve been without my Gall Bladder now for three years. Since then my digestive track is completely unpredictable. Sometimes…it decides to do things with out asking me, like nearly shitting myself. Now, I have a complex about using public restrooms to “go #2” as my daughter says. They are rarely clean or comforting. So I have learned which public facilities are the best nationwide.

I happen to be in Dallas shopping and often, my restroom of choice when in a mall is Dillards. The handicapped stall has it’s own sink in it. Superb. We were under a spring Tornado warning this particular afternoon. Of course I have gastro issues so I am in the restroom.

Then it happened, a vortex was spotted a mile away and the sirens went off. The store management demanded that all customers and employees make their way to the Customer Service hallway and restrooms.

Oh. Shit.

I have to button it up, no more than a minute after the announcement, people start coming into the restroom to seek shelter…..in reality they should get OUT of the restroom to seek shelter from what I did.

I was mortified. I couldn’t walk out of the handicapped stall with all these people…yes men and a few women. I am sure a few likely were laced with skin cancer after ingesting the odors I created. With a pop of lightening, god blessed us with an immediate power outage.

People hauled ass out of the restroom into the hall where the security lights were on. I mixed in with them as if I was with them all the time. One guy says, “thank god, I couldn’t hold my breath much longer.” I said yeah, “someone shit their pancreas out in there.”

When the alert was lifted, I left.

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